ATTENTION:  Safety alert: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are in danger, please use a computer in a safe location, call A Woman's Place at: 1-866-356-4226, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you are at a safe computer, click on “Computer/Internet Safety” to learn more.

Domestic Violence  Myths and Facts

 

Myth:  “It takes two to tango.”

Fact: It takes only one person to create violence.

 

Myth: “The truth lies somewhere in the middle.”

Fact: Because of minimization and denial by both partners, the truth

is often worse then either admits.

 

Myth: “Batterers don’t mean to be mean. They just “lose control”.

Fact: Battering is purposeful. Deliberate. Target specific behavior aimed at acquiring power and control.

 

Myth: “The victim often provokes violence.”

Fact:  Violence is a choice the batterer chooses in order to control the victim.

 

Myth: “If a criminal history is not found, this must be the first time the batter has been violent.”

Fact: By the time the police are called, the abuse is usually well into an escalating pattern.

 

Myth: “Alcohol causes domestic violence.”

Fact: Although alcohol abuse is often present in battering relationships, it is an excuse for violence, not a cause.

 

Myth: “Domestic Violence does not affect children unless they themselves are physically injured.”

Fact: By definition, children who are exposed to violence between parents are emotionally abused.

 

Fact: 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.

 

Fact: Research suggests that wife beating results in more injuries requiring medical treatment then rape, auto accidents and muggings, COMBINED.

 

Fact: The FBI reports that 30% of all female homicide victims are killed by their male partners.  In

contrast , only 6% of male homicide victims are killed by their female partners.

 

A Woman’s Place

Providing Resources and Shelter to Domestic Violence Survivors in Weld County, Colorado

CRISIS LINE 970-356-4226 or 1-866-356-4226

 

Domestic Violence

 

A Brief History of Colorado Victims Rights Movement

 

Prior to 1980, domestic violence was not a prosecutable offense.  However, a victims’ rights movement sprang up in Colorado in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s.  This led to the passing of the Colorado Victims Rights Amendment in 1992.  In 1997, the Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance (COVA) lent its support to legislative efforts regarding domestic violence.

 

History of the Victim Rights Act (VRA) in Colorado

 

On November 3, 1992, Colorado voters overwhelmingly (80%passed a Constitutional Amendment recognizing the Rights of Victims of Violent Crime

 

Enabling legislation became effective January 14, 1993

 

Colorado Department of Corrections established the Victim Notification Program in April 1993

 

Types of Domestic Violence

 

There are Four Types of Violence: Physical, Sexual, Psychological, and the Destruction of Property or Pets.

 

Physical:

Physical abuse is any kind of aggressive action or behavior directed at another person, or withholding basic physical needs. This type of abuse includes, but is not limited to, the following behavior:

· Hitting, Kicking, Punching

· Restraining, Pulling

· Withholding food, water or medical attention

· Withholding warmth

· Biting, Strangling

· Burning, Tying Up

· Hair Pulling, Slapping, Cutting

· Pushing, Scratching, Suffocating

· Causing sleep deprivation

 

Sexual:

Sexual abuse involves any sexual activity or exploitation that in non-consensual. This behavior includes, but is not limited to:

· Rape

· Sexual jokes or remarks

· Laughing at others’ body or sexuality

· Kissing, Touching

· Verbal sexual innuendoes

· Name calling about someone’s sexual behavior or preference

· Sex/ sexual contact with someone unable to make an informed, consensual decision.

 (Too young/ old, drunk/ drugged, mentally/physically disabled, asleep, fearful of/dependent  on perpetrator, etc.)

 

Psychological:

This is any behavior that exploits another’s insecurities, vulnerabilities or character. This includes, but is not limited to:

· Insults, Yelling, Screaming

· Threatening. Intimidating, Criticizing

· Denying truths, Degrading, Making Fun of

· Dehumanizing

· Instilling fear to control

· Brain washing, Manipulating, Mind Games

· Name calling, Silent Treatment

· Threatening suicide, Faking a Crisis

· Statements/behaviors that distort reality

· Making unfounded accusations

 

Destruction of Property or Pets:

This type of abuse includes damaging any property, no matter who the owner, or abusing animals. This behavior includes, but is not limited to:

· Breaking things, Shattering mirrors or glass

· Destroying objects , Throwing things

· Tearing clothing, Punching walls

· Killing animals, Stealing pets

· Kicking animals, Withholding pet care

· Lighting pets on fire

· Any destructive behaviors involving animals or property

 

 

Cycle of Violence

 

(Adapted from Domestic Violence Intervention Center)

 

Phase 1 -Tension Building

During this phase, the tension starts to build. Often, this tension builds around the victim, things the victim does or says or things she doesn't do or say. During this phase, stress increases drastically and events of psychological abuse arise, which are reinforced by the release in the stress level. The tension building phase differs with each case. The length of this phase may be days or weeks and the severity of the violent behaviors varies.  

 

What the victim feels:

· The need to keep the abuser calm

· Like they are 'walking on egg shells'

· The need to alter his/her behavior to stop the verbal abuse and/or the violence. Examples: Keeping the house cleaner, the children quieter, staying home more often

· Like nothing they do is good enough for the abuser

· Angry because the abuser doesn't trust them

· Angry because the abuser isn't keeping their promises

 

Phase 2—Explosion

This is the event of acute violence. It can be physical, sexual or psychological. The moment is often chosen by the batterer.

This is the phase where law enforcement becomes involved (if they do get involved at all).

As a result of the abuse, the pent-up stress and tension has been eliminated. Thus, the abuser often appears calm and relaxed when law enforcement arrives. The victim, on the other hand, appears confused or hysterical from the incident.

 

What the victim feels:

· Terrified

· Wrongly blames themselves for the violence

· Ashamed, humiliated, degraded

· Shocked

· Angry

· Overwhelmed and frightened by the threat of violence they may possibly stimulate the confrontation to get it over and done with.

 

Phase 3 – Calm Stage

(Also referred to as hearts and flowers or honeymoon stage)

As a result of the explosion, the victim is left traumatized and in need of support. Oftentimes, that support is then provided by the very person who created the situation: the abuser. Through providing support, justifications and apologies, the abuser leaves the victim in an extreme state of confusion. The victim wants to believe the abuser, who is someone whom she loves and cares for. She may want to "help" him become less aggressive; she may even see herself as responsible for the violence as many abusers will use a blaming approach to justify the incident. For example, an abuser may say: "it’s just that you have this way about you that puts me in this state".

This is the phase that gradually shortens in length and quality as the relationship becomes more and more violent. It may even disappear completely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MISSION STATEMENT: The mission of A Woman’s Place is to shelter and help empower victims/survivors of domestic abuse to become safe, secure and self-reliant; and through education and collaboration, to mobilize our community to help prevent domestic violence.

The information provided on this website is intended to provide support and general information.  It is not intended as professional counseling, therapy and/or legal advice.  While the information is deemed reliable, it is not guaranteed.